If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
