i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
