he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
