I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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