Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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