I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
