he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
