Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
