I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
