The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
