I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
