matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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