WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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