he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
