Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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