Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
