I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
