Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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