If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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