I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
