I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
