I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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