ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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