I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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