to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
