dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
