I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
high people should be assigned attendants
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
