Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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