I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
