Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
