She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have fence marks all over my body
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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