She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
