How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
