I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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