I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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