Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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