I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
