One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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