I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
