just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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