so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
