Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
