I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
