We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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