two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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