I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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