I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
