I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
