There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
