mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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